You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
