i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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