i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
