How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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