doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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