96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
