It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
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What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
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That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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