Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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