im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
