Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
zippers are such a cool invention
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
