Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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