I'm eating all of the evidence.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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