Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
