Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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