How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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