**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
God I need to hump something, right now.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
