don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
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Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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