What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
