I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
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