just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
