Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
