that's an acceptable place to lick
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
