I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
