elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Randomize
