The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
