I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.