Soap is not a condiment
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue