ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
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There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
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I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it