So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
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She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
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He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.