I am in a vortex of obligation.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Farmville is her only friend.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.