Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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