I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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