I wish I could teleport
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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