so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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