I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
