The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
