we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
