The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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