I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
