honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
