Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
