dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
