well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
