I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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