Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
