my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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