I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
