dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
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You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
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I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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