6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
