How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
