WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
