I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
