You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
