I can tuck mytits in my pants
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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