when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
