Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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