so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
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