We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
