you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
