I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
